How To Get Over Your Ex

As my first blog, and my first entry I decided on this topic because it hits really close to home.
For months I struggled with the question:  How do I get over my ex?
I did it all. I joined support groups. I went to therapy. I took my meds. I wrote a book. I fought through the pain. I tried dating again. I exercised. I did charity work. I did it ALL.
So why couldn't I do it. I asked and everyone had a different answer. Me a grown man couldn't get over a 3 year relationship. I was devastated. I fell into a deep depression. And nothing worked.
Almost a year later and after giving up on everything I had a revelation. I was laying in my bed crying and realized that I wasn't getting over my ex not because I wasn't doing everything right. It was a lot simpler than that. I was trying to get over the wrong idea.
It wasn't my ex I had to get over. It was the way she hurt me. In a nutshell let me explain how she hurt me. She slept around then blamed me. She would constantly lie but acted like she was always honest. She used men all the time because she craves attention. She needs attention.
Ok that is just a summary because the reasons I got hurt aren't important. Everyone's story is different. Wheather you are a man or woman it doesn't matter. Hurt is hurt.
So the big question is: How do you get over your ex??
This is what worked for me.
1-  Never leave them on a pedastle.
They don't belong there and I am sure they were imperfect. Getting over someone who you admire and see as perfect is impossible. For the rest of your lives you will be comparing them to other people you meet. You need to drop that image of perfection. The problem is how?
Here are a few easy steps;

• Make a list of all the things that he/she did to hurt you. 
• Make a list of all the things that used to bother you about him/her.
• Erase ALL the pictures of you two and the good times together. 
• Bad mouth him/her when the subject comes up.
• Ask your friends to give you their honest opinion. (You might be surprised as to what they have to say)
• Understand that they are human and not Angels or Superhuman

2- NO CONTACT:
The N.C. rule is the number one advice by therapists. But that is hard work when you are still admiring your ex. So in my opinion it comes a distant second. You will continue to want to contact him/her because you still think they are worth contacting. Once they are off the pedastle N.C. is easier to handle.
So why is this an important step? Because it helps you calm down and sort out your feelings. After some time you might realize you don't even want your ex back. You may realize you are better off without him/her. Anything can happen.
Second: because it gives your ex a chance to miss you and realize on their own if they want to look for you or want you to look for them. If after the first month of NC your ex still hasn't tried to contact you, then you have your answer to what they really feel.

3- Slash and Burn:
Slash and burn is a very easy step to take and one of the most liberating. It consists of giving away, burning, throwing away, slashing every single memory of your ex. If there is a teddy bear or a jewel or a book or anything that is a reminder of your ex it's time to burn it. But it can't be done all at once. There is a ritual involved. You need to actually burn these things. When it's expensive things like jewlery make sure you give it away to someone who you will never see again. Sell the jewelery and use the money for charity. With every single email you erase. For every single teddy bear you kill. For every single letter you burn. A release needs to be felt. You need to let go of the memories that corresponds to each of these items. Once done. Cry and say goodbye. It's ok to cry as long as it's a way of release of the pain and a goodbye to the memories.

4- Selfishness:
Now it's time to focus on YOU. Your ex is dead. The man/woman you knew and loved does not exist anymore. They have changed or maybe they never existed except in your mind. So now it's time to bury them and start to work on yourselves. This has two steps to it:

• Grieve: Allow yourself time to grieve for the departed. The dead deserve to be grieved. The living don't. The man/woman who still lives isn't worth your tears or time. But the man/woman that died does. But understand that they are dead. So if you need to cry for those memories lost, dreams broken, that  perfect person that was in your mind and is now in the ground, then CRY. Cry till you have no tears. There isn't a time frame for this step. Some people go through it in a day some take years. But it is grieving for the departed. Not for the one that lives. Understand that well. 
• Pick yourself up and move on. It's easier said than done. Some people need meds to be able to do this. Others need to find God. Some only need their friends. The stronger ones only need to wipe their tears and say "ENOUGH". Whatever you need to do find your own path and follow it. You will find a way out if you keep searching. But for this you need to crawl when you can't walk, walk when you can't run, and run when you are at your strongest. Just never stand still. Never let time heal your wounds. You must work at it and time will help you as long as you are helping yourself. 

5- Acceptance:

Accept Reality. He/She is gone. The person you knew doesn't exist. They are moving on and probably in another relationship. So it's time to see them for what they are now. They are strangers. Someone we used to know but somehow don't know anymore. They are just another face in the crowd of people who we don't know. 

Accept your reality that they are not coming back. And most of those who decide to come back return for selfish reasons so they are not worth it either. Time face your reality. You are sad your ex isn't. You are grieving, your ex isn’t. You loved him/her, your ex probably never did. You have been weak, your ex wasn’t. If this wasn’t true then your ex would have looked for you at one point. They didn’t because they just don’t care.

So accept your reality. Live your PRESENT, let go of the PAST, and don’t worry about the FUTURE.

SIDE NOTE: This will only work for you if you were the one that got hurt. If you loved and did things right.

If you were the one who cheated or left then this is not for you. What you need to do is own up to your mistakes and say you’re sorry first. After you have apologized and made amends then you can start this process in which to learn to let go.

Always own up to your mistakes and fight to make them right. After you have done so and your ex still wants nothing to do with you then start your process.

GOOD LUCK EVERYONE (hope this helps a little)